This is how I have felt the last few days. Is that an early pregnancy symptom? I will have to google.
Everything that is going on seems very disconnected from an actual baby. When I was in the two week wait I would try to visualize the baby and think about it. Now, I find myself doing that less. Is it because I am scared?
Last time, the baby only made it to 5.5 Weeks. In two days, I will be at 6 weeks. I have to feel a little more optimistic because I am not feeling too good.
I think it would be reassuring to feel worse tomorrow, as well.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
On the Double
After a stressful stare-at-the-clock couple of days, I finally have my betas:
19 DPO: 620
21 DPO: 1402
Doubling Time 1.71
Progesterone was 20 on 19 DPO and "Very strong, above 20" at 21 DPO. I was so focused on the beta I forgot to ask the nurse on the actual progesterone number.
These numbers seem okay. I read a lot of blogs with real rock star awesome numbers, and these numbers seem more......sedate or something. But it is in the betabase.info range. I am relieved.
Just for comparison, the time I miscarried it was 20 at 13 DPO. So if it had doubled that time, I would've been at 160 on 19 DPO. So 620 seems a lot better in comparison.
The staff at the fertility center said the numbers were good. They tried to sell me some more medical services--routine blood test and u/s. But for now, we are going to enjoy it and wait for the insuranced-covered u/s, which will be at 7 weeks.
It is nice not to have any appointments for a while!
19 DPO: 620
21 DPO: 1402
Doubling Time 1.71
Progesterone was 20 on 19 DPO and "Very strong, above 20" at 21 DPO. I was so focused on the beta I forgot to ask the nurse on the actual progesterone number.
These numbers seem okay. I read a lot of blogs with real rock star awesome numbers, and these numbers seem more......sedate or something. But it is in the betabase.info range. I am relieved.
Just for comparison, the time I miscarried it was 20 at 13 DPO. So if it had doubled that time, I would've been at 160 on 19 DPO. So 620 seems a lot better in comparison.
The staff at the fertility center said the numbers were good. They tried to sell me some more medical services--routine blood test and u/s. But for now, we are going to enjoy it and wait for the insuranced-covered u/s, which will be at 7 weeks.
It is nice not to have any appointments for a while!
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
All about Me Me
I'm pretty new to blogging, so I just got my first meme from Vee over at http://veeandjay.wordpress.com/. She thoughtfully tagged me so I would have a distraction from worrying about my hcg scores. So here goes:
The Rules:1) Link to the person that tagged you. 2) Post the rules on your blog. 3) Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself. 4) Tag at least three people at the end of your post and link to their blogs. 5) Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog. 6) Let the fun begin!
1. Since I was a small child, I always wanted to have a son named Huckleberry. It was not inspired by the Strawberry Shortcake dude. This name has been ruled out by Lovely Partner (I understand her reservation)
She said I could use it as a blog name for the baby, however. I may do that!
2. I'm very picky about pens. Ink only, please. And ballpoint doesn't count. It has to be real, dark, bleedy ink. Black, although blue will suffice in a pinch. When I say picky, I mean I will leave my job to go to the store to buy new pens or I feel like I can't get work done. I take pens when I go to the bank so I don't have to use their ballpoint on a chain. Don't even get me started on pencils.
3. I have taken hot baths pretty much every night since I was a kid. Except sometimes in the depth of summer, when TTC, and now that I am pregnant. More than missing alcohol or sushi or soft cheese I will miss my hot baths!
4. I'm crazy about musicals. Especially the modern ones like Hedwig and the Angry Inch. When I watch a musical, I have a goofy smile on my face, they make me so happy. You'd be shocked to know how often I sing tunes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer musical episode.
5. I'm lazy about change. Coin change that is, pennies, nickles, dimes, and quarters. I drive everyone who has ever lived with me insane by letting coins fall to the floor and stay there. And, um, my car floor might have fifty dollars worth of coins on the floor.
6. I love advice columns. I remember reading Ann Landers when I was in second grade. Now, my taste has matured to Carolyn Hax and Dan Savage. I have a special place in my heart for Miss Manners too.
So now I tag:
http://aspiringbaker.blogspot.com/ , who writes one of of my favorite blogs, always insightful and thoughtful.
http://hereticalhedonism.wordpress.com/ , who is also newly pregnant.
Renee at http://2mommiesttcforababy.blogspot.com/, who was the first to congratulate me on the pregnacy online.
The Rules:1) Link to the person that tagged you. 2) Post the rules on your blog. 3) Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself. 4) Tag at least three people at the end of your post and link to their blogs. 5) Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog. 6) Let the fun begin!
1. Since I was a small child, I always wanted to have a son named Huckleberry. It was not inspired by the Strawberry Shortcake dude. This name has been ruled out by Lovely Partner (I understand her reservation)
She said I could use it as a blog name for the baby, however. I may do that!
2. I'm very picky about pens. Ink only, please. And ballpoint doesn't count. It has to be real, dark, bleedy ink. Black, although blue will suffice in a pinch. When I say picky, I mean I will leave my job to go to the store to buy new pens or I feel like I can't get work done. I take pens when I go to the bank so I don't have to use their ballpoint on a chain. Don't even get me started on pencils.
3. I have taken hot baths pretty much every night since I was a kid. Except sometimes in the depth of summer, when TTC, and now that I am pregnant. More than missing alcohol or sushi or soft cheese I will miss my hot baths!
4. I'm crazy about musicals. Especially the modern ones like Hedwig and the Angry Inch. When I watch a musical, I have a goofy smile on my face, they make me so happy. You'd be shocked to know how often I sing tunes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer musical episode.
5. I'm lazy about change. Coin change that is, pennies, nickles, dimes, and quarters. I drive everyone who has ever lived with me insane by letting coins fall to the floor and stay there. And, um, my car floor might have fifty dollars worth of coins on the floor.
6. I love advice columns. I remember reading Ann Landers when I was in second grade. Now, my taste has matured to Carolyn Hax and Dan Savage. I have a special place in my heart for Miss Manners too.
So now I tag:
http://aspiringbaker.blogspot.com/ , who writes one of of my favorite blogs, always insightful and thoughtful.
http://hereticalhedonism.wordpress.com/ , who is also newly pregnant.
Renee at http://2mommiesttcforababy.blogspot.com/, who was the first to congratulate me on the pregnacy online.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Two Lines: And the Freaking Out Commences
I'm pregnant. That sums up the major news. I am so grateful and yet so scared. I didn't think the miscarriage had haunted me so much. I felt sick for a few days, but now I feel pretty normal, other then sore breasts. It freaks me out. I'm scared of getting attached to this baby and then losing it. Is it normal to feel sick and very pregnant for a few days and then feel better?
We didn't get a beta test because we didn't want to be anxious about the numbers. That decision was easier when I was feeling pregnant. Now we are thinking we will do that this week.
On the other hand we had a wonderful day of cancelling appointments with doctors and talking about decorating the baby room. My favorite part was telling my sister (a major baseball nerd) that the baby would here for the World Series.
I hope I don't sound ungrateful when express my anxiety. I think that miscarriage did more to me and Lovely Partner emotionally then I ever understood.
I'm pregnant and I can't believe I am writing that.
Happy Scared Anxiously Gratefully yours, Sarah
We didn't get a beta test because we didn't want to be anxious about the numbers. That decision was easier when I was feeling pregnant. Now we are thinking we will do that this week.
On the other hand we had a wonderful day of cancelling appointments with doctors and talking about decorating the baby room. My favorite part was telling my sister (a major baseball nerd) that the baby would here for the World Series.
I hope I don't sound ungrateful when express my anxiety. I think that miscarriage did more to me and Lovely Partner emotionally then I ever understood.
I'm pregnant and I can't believe I am writing that.
Happy Scared Anxiously Gratefully yours, Sarah
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Nothing on a Stick
Today is 13 DPO. Its the longest in 9 tries I have ever gone without doing a POAS test. The first few tries, I was gung ho to find I was pregnant as soon as possible. Dissapointing. The first positive (try #4) I got was 11DPO when I was sure I wasn't pregnant and I wanted to drink some beer. When I saw the second line, I was in shock--and didnt have any beer. In a major mindfuck, the test the following morning was negative. It didn't seem like a good sign, and maybe it wasn't because I had low betas and miscarried early. Each of the five tries since the miscarriage, I was very surprised I wasn't pregnant. My surprise sounds crazy in retrospect, but I am now a firm believer in psychosomatic pregnancy symptoms.
In two days, I will know if I am pregnant or if I am moving on to shots, ultrasounds, doctors in lab coats, high dose fertility medicine, and spending a couple thousand more dollars. My life will be very different either way. I will either feel like I won the lotto or that I am a hopeless case.
In two days, I will know if I am pregnant or if I am moving on to shots, ultrasounds, doctors in lab coats, high dose fertility medicine, and spending a couple thousand more dollars. My life will be very different either way. I will either feel like I won the lotto or that I am a hopeless case.
I'm not going to test before the missed period.
I'm feverently hoping that what I am feeling is not psychosomatic.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
A quick stab
Lovely partner and I had our "shot training" this week. I saw the needle and it was scary and depressing. Normally, I am not scared of shots or needles. And when I read the TTC blogs about the injectibles and trigger shots, it never alarmed me much. But to see Lovely Partner holding the big ole shot, shoving it into a rubber piece of....fake ass that the nurse provided, upset me in a weird way. Obviously, shots suck. But shots not covered by insurance, taken for fertility after thousands of dollars have already been spend suck a new way. The nurse told Lovely Partner"Do a quick stab!"
I'm still in the TWW from try #9. It would be awesome if it turned out that the shot training was something mildly funny that we did one day, but we never had to use because goshdarnit, I was already pregnant but didn't know it.
This I am not expecting.
"Not expecting" haha. Didn't intend that one.
I'm still in the TWW from try #9. It would be awesome if it turned out that the shot training was something mildly funny that we did one day, but we never had to use because goshdarnit, I was already pregnant but didn't know it.
This I am not expecting.
"Not expecting" haha. Didn't intend that one.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
