Yesterday I told my Lovely Partner that the babysitter said Sunshine likes to go to sleep with her hand around the babysitter's finger. I told the story in a "Isn't our baby the sweetest thing ever?" way.
Lovely said "She does that to Babysitter too?"
I nodded.
Lovely looked sad and said "Sunshine thinks of you as her family, but I'm just one of the other favorite babysitters."
And then I felt sad for Lovely, even though I don't think it is true. And if it IS true now, I am sure it will change.
In a not unrelated note, Lovely tells me about once a week how pissed she is at Re.becca Walker.
http://feministlawprofs.law.sc.edu/?p=3579
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
Our Life In a Series of Bullet Points
I did actually want to be a blogger. I enjoy it. It helps me sort out things. It is sort of like a memory book for me. But I haven't been able to find the energy. But, I'm keeping it-- going into dreaded bullet points.
*Sunshine is doing great. She is almost 6 months old (?!?). She is a happy smiley baby. If anyone reading this has a persistently screaming infant, take heart. It really can get so much better at 3.5 months.
*My boss came to me and said I can work at home one day a week for a while to spend more time with my baby. I'm unbelievably lucky. However, it has been a lot harder to work at home then I thought. Especially during the Nap Strikes! This baby really has a great future as a Union Organizer, I think.
*Before Sunshine was born, I used to think about being a queer family all the time. Now, I don't feel like I have had time to think. However, one day at work I unexpectedly encountered homophobia and it threw me off. The most disturbing thing was how matter-of-fact about it everyone was. I went to bed, worried about the day my innocent joyful looking daughter would feel pain at being in a stigmatized group.
*I did something stupid which could've, but didn't, lead to Sunshine being injured. It was the worst feeling.: A combination of fear, empathy for her pain, and feeling like the biggest dumbass in the world. Even though I was pretty sure she was fine, I took her to the doctor. The doctor gave me a hug and said "Don't beat yourself up, this happens to 98.7% of all babies." I think he was probably making that statistic up, but I really appreciated his reassurance and his hug. Thank you Compassionate Pediatrician!
*Sunshine is an enormous baby. I am not sure how this happened. I'm not small but the donor was not huge, either. I have not personally met anyone with a larger baby (22 lbs at 5.5 months). She has outgrown all her fuzzibunz, her infant car seat, her swing, bouncing chair, and almost all her 88 outfits we received at our baby shower.
*People have asked if having a baby changed the relationship between Lovely Partner and me. Yes. We have a common purpose and (usually) great teamwork, but its hard to have time for our relationship. We went out one night and had the grandest time! Other times, our conversations are all logistical--who needs to do what for the baby to be clothed, fed, dry, happy. In the morning, we are a parody of the "rushed parents getting ready for work" scenes in movies. At night, we have a series of Would You Rather conversations that go like this: Would you rather walk the dog/play with the baby/do the laundry OR give the baby a bath/ get the bottles ready for tomorrow/clean the dishes? To paraphrase Before Sunset, it sometimes feels like we are running a daycare together. So, I miss us sometimes.
*In general, I find the hardest thing about motherhood is not having enough time (or energy) for my other loved ones. See above. This includes any social gathering that Sunshine is at, when I have trouble giving my full attention to conversation. I feel rude constantly. This is especially hard because so many of people are out of town, we don't get to see everybody as much as we would like anyway.
*Since Sunshine was born, I have trouble watching movies or tv shows where anything bad happens to any person. So that eliminates a lot of movies/shows. Am I doomed to only watching romantic comedies for the rest of my life?
*I think about 55% of the stress of parenthood could be mitigated by more money. Maybe I am wrong. But if we could afford to have one of us stay home or pay someone to do more of our household tasks that would be huge. I also feel that if we won the lotto, we would try to have a sibling for Sunshine right away.
*I did, in fact, do the new motherhood cliche of accidentally wearing my shirt inside out to work.
*Sunshine's favorite toy is the webcam. I'm not kidding. She loves to see videos of her Grandmama but even more than that she loves to watch videos starring herself. She thinks she is supercute, and I agree.
*I still read yer blogs!
*Sunshine is doing great. She is almost 6 months old (?!?). She is a happy smiley baby. If anyone reading this has a persistently screaming infant, take heart. It really can get so much better at 3.5 months.
*My boss came to me and said I can work at home one day a week for a while to spend more time with my baby. I'm unbelievably lucky. However, it has been a lot harder to work at home then I thought. Especially during the Nap Strikes! This baby really has a great future as a Union Organizer, I think.
*Before Sunshine was born, I used to think about being a queer family all the time. Now, I don't feel like I have had time to think. However, one day at work I unexpectedly encountered homophobia and it threw me off. The most disturbing thing was how matter-of-fact about it everyone was. I went to bed, worried about the day my innocent joyful looking daughter would feel pain at being in a stigmatized group.
*I did something stupid which could've, but didn't, lead to Sunshine being injured. It was the worst feeling.: A combination of fear, empathy for her pain, and feeling like the biggest dumbass in the world. Even though I was pretty sure she was fine, I took her to the doctor. The doctor gave me a hug and said "Don't beat yourself up, this happens to 98.7% of all babies." I think he was probably making that statistic up, but I really appreciated his reassurance and his hug. Thank you Compassionate Pediatrician!
*Sunshine is an enormous baby. I am not sure how this happened. I'm not small but the donor was not huge, either. I have not personally met anyone with a larger baby (22 lbs at 5.5 months). She has outgrown all her fuzzibunz, her infant car seat, her swing, bouncing chair, and almost all her 88 outfits we received at our baby shower.
*People have asked if having a baby changed the relationship between Lovely Partner and me. Yes. We have a common purpose and (usually) great teamwork, but its hard to have time for our relationship. We went out one night and had the grandest time! Other times, our conversations are all logistical--who needs to do what for the baby to be clothed, fed, dry, happy. In the morning, we are a parody of the "rushed parents getting ready for work" scenes in movies. At night, we have a series of Would You Rather conversations that go like this: Would you rather walk the dog/play with the baby/do the laundry OR give the baby a bath/ get the bottles ready for tomorrow/clean the dishes? To paraphrase Before Sunset, it sometimes feels like we are running a daycare together. So, I miss us sometimes.
*In general, I find the hardest thing about motherhood is not having enough time (or energy) for my other loved ones. See above. This includes any social gathering that Sunshine is at, when I have trouble giving my full attention to conversation. I feel rude constantly. This is especially hard because so many of people are out of town, we don't get to see everybody as much as we would like anyway.
*Since Sunshine was born, I have trouble watching movies or tv shows where anything bad happens to any person. So that eliminates a lot of movies/shows. Am I doomed to only watching romantic comedies for the rest of my life?
*I think about 55% of the stress of parenthood could be mitigated by more money. Maybe I am wrong. But if we could afford to have one of us stay home or pay someone to do more of our household tasks that would be huge. I also feel that if we won the lotto, we would try to have a sibling for Sunshine right away.
*I did, in fact, do the new motherhood cliche of accidentally wearing my shirt inside out to work.
*Sunshine's favorite toy is the webcam. I'm not kidding. She loves to see videos of her Grandmama but even more than that she loves to watch videos starring herself. She thinks she is supercute, and I agree.
*I still read yer blogs!
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