Birth Story (Long)

Even though I was thinking about her birth every second of every day, Sunshine's arrival still managed to surprise me. On Friday the 27th (one day past due date), I cleaned up my office at work. I told everyone "maybe I will see you Monday." And that night, I started to feel.....weird. I told Lovely "I feel like I am...hatching something."

On September 28th, I woke up at 530 and went to the bathroom, as I did for the whole pregnancy. I laid back down and within minutes I felt my water break. This was completely unambigious. It was a flood. I gently woke Lovely and said "my water broke" She said "Are you sure?'' and I laughed. I stood up and water just kept flowing. It seemed hillarious, somehow. We had been reassuring people for months "Normally labor doesn't start with a dramatic water breaking like in the movies" I felt fine. We called my family (who live 5 hours away) and Happy Doula, who told us to rest and eat. We wanted to labor at home as long as possible, and I thought it was great timing to go into labor on Saturday morning. We started organizing our things and I read political blogs, calmly. Once Lovely took the dog to day care and to pick up baked goods for the nurses, I started to feel contractions. It was most similar to stomachaches. I wrote down the times of contractions and thought "this isn't too bad." I assumed I would have a really long labor since it was my first birth and my Mom had a 50 hour labor.

These are the times I recorded for contractions, which don't even make sense:6:33, 650? (erased), 7;06, 7;38 (minor), 7:46, 7:50, 8;03, 8:14, 838, 8:36" Everything started to blur together and I didn't know when they were starting and ending.

Lovely had returned and I told her to call Happy Doula, since contractions were increasing and I was feeling in pain. I started to do all the things they said women often do in labor, like pound tables, pace around the room, open and shut cupboards. Happy Doula arrived and watched me carefully. I couldn't tell where contractions were starting and ending. I started to feel like I would vomit. I asked the doula "How was your dance competition?" and when she started to tell me I said something overly formal like "I beg your pardon, please excuse me" and I went into the bathroom. Doula gave me a towel soaked in peppermint oil which I clutched for dear life. I have no idea why this helped me so much, but peppermint is now the smell of birth for me. We drove to the hospital, and I wasn't crying but it was close. It felt like the drive took forever.

Lovely parked the car and Happy Doula and I took the long walk to Ob triage. The nurse looked at me and I said "Hello, I am in labor" They got me on a bed immediately but my body was spazzing out. I was clutching the peppermint towel like it was my lifeline. They asked if I wanted an epidural and I said yes. (I was open-minded about epidurals in birth plan, and everything was happening so fast, I barely thought about it) Lovely arrived and the doctor said I was at 6cm. I threw up. (I can't describe labor pain, except to say it takes over your entire body, as if an energy force was squeezing you down to get the last bit of toothpaste out of you) They wheeled me up to Labor and Delivery and I remember thinking that the breeze of moving fast felt so nice. But then I was crying, or yelling. The pain kept intensifying. At one point I looked at Lovely and said "Please help me" and she almost cried. Immediately after the epidural, the doctor said I was "complete, 10 cm" and everyone in the room got ready, as if a baby would fall out any second. I couldn't believe my contractions had started only a few hours ago and already I was at 10cm!

I thought at this point the baby would come right away, even before noon! Everything was happening so fast. And so I pushed my hardest, thinking that each push would be the one that worked. My sister came in the room and I laughed. It seemed so surreal that she would walk in while I was pushing a baby out. I was feeling so much better after the epidural though-- I felt like myself again. Then my Mom arrived and I called her in. This meant the doula had to leave since we reached our max of support people. Having my Mom there wasn't in the plan, but when she walked in I smiled and said "Hi Mumma" and I was glad she was there. It suddenly seemed appropriate for me. My team of nurses and doctors kept encouraging me to push. My Mom said I almost broke her hand when I was pushing. Lovely said that it was amazing. One of the nurses kept yelling "goooooooo mommmmmmy!" Everyone kept saying, "You are doing great!" which I found funny, because I didn't feel like I was doing anything---my body had taken over me completely. Lovely told me that she could see the baby's head, and that our baby had brown hair. My biggest fear in labor what was that I would be scared for my baby, but I actually wasn't. They kept giving me the numbers of her heartbeat, and I just felt like she was doing okay, and that things were going they way they were supposed to.

Alas, after two hours of hearing how "close" the baby was and being invited to feel her head, I started to get tired. I noticed the doctor's conferring with one another quietly. One doctor mentioned an epistiotomy and Lovely and I were like "Not crazy about that idea." I kept pushing. Doctors kept conferring. Lovely went over and listened to the doctor's explanation of why the epi was a good idea. The doctor said to me "This is not about the baby's health, the baby is fine, it is you that I am concerned with" (This is the opposite of what I expected doctors to say) Apparently, the doctor felt that given my,um, size and the baby's size and position, the perenium/rectum was going to tear completely soon. I don't know if this is BS, or something they always say. They did seem genuinely concerned. They didn't seem to be trying to scare me about the baby, which I appreciated. And finally, I said "Okay, take her out" So that was my 8 hour labor, which ended at 1:46 p.m.

Within a minute, the cuts were made, and a baby was on my chest. I wish I could see all of this better with my mind's eye, but I think I was in shock. Lovely said that the baby looked peaceful coming out. The doctors took her (not following birth plan, aaargh!) and started doing the tests on her under the warmer. I yelled out questions "What does she look like?" "What is the agpar?" "Tell me about my baby!" "Does she look like me?" The nurse yelled out "10 lbs, 9 oz" and everyone in the room gasped! I could see Lovely crying happily over the baby. I became irritated with the doctor stitching me up and asked for the baby. Everything felt surreal and distant I'm sad that I was practically disassociated during this time period, I started casually talking to Happy Doula about her kids. I thought about how medicalized the birth was, and I was ambivalent and somewhat embarrassed about how it all played out. I did feel badly that I didn't have the extreme high and rush of maternal feelings that some women talk about after labor. There was some highs, but these moments waiting for her were a low.

Finally, after about 25 long minutes they brought Sunshine to me. I said "Oh my baby, I missed you so much." Everybody probably thought I meant the I missed her the 25 minutes she was being poked and prodded. I meant that I missed her all the years I spent waiting for her. And I swear to fucking god she looked right at me like she knew me and was surprised to see me there.

Let the Sunshine In

I'm happy to report that our healthy 10 lbs 9 oz, 22 inches long (?!?!?) baby girl was born on Saturday September 27th. She is beautiful (I'm biased) and doing wonderfully. (I myself will need a ....recovery period, although no C-Section.) Birth story soon as I am able!

Thanks everyone for your well wishes!

If you like name and picture info, email me at Sodapop1939ATYa.ho.ho.com.

She is our Sunshine!