Sometimes I have toyed with the idea that I can't learn except by actual experience. That is, advice never helps me. It is like I won't believe it until I see it. This partially explains my credit card debt and past (long ago, thank goodness) relationships with addicts. If only I had listened to what....gee everyone was telling me.
I now present my list of advice I WISHED I followed regarding pregnancy and having an infant:
1) Enjoy your pregnancy. Ha-easier said then done...but still I think I could've enjoyed it more. I know that pregnancy loss is real and the worst thing in the world. Still I wish I had savored that oddness that is feeling pregnant.
2) Write down something about your new baby every single day, no matter how short it is or how tired you are. So much of the first month is a blur. I wish I knew more about the hours she slept or how often she ate, how many diapers I changed a day. (Honestly if I could have a videotape of every moment of her first three months I would LOVE that)
3) Nursing will get better after 6 weeks. I guess I listened to this advice, but I never believed it for real because nursing was so painful and frustrating. It got so much better. It got great. I can't explain it but its one of the most empowering things I have done in my life. Highly recommended.
4) Enjoy the newborn stage. Its true that I thought I might lose my mind with my often crying newborn. When people gave me this advice I thought they were delusional. I was so scared of her vulnerability I wished she would get older quicker. But now I wish I had savored more the smell of her newborn skin, the smallness of her fist, the sheer newness of her. It really goes by so fast.
5) Stay Home with Your Newborn As Much As Possible. At the time I thought I needed to be out and about showing my baby the world around her. And maybe I felt a little cabin fever myself. We walked to coffeeshops and I took her on two visits across state lines. But she was stressed and I was stressed and now I think that sitting on the couch for three months is really not so bad. Its only three months.
Okay so lets see what advice I am getting now that I will regret not following......
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4 comments:
I have been thinking about that very thing, especially the last couple of weeks.
This is the theory I am working on:
We all have a tendency to dismiss advice when it is general, unmeasurable, and cliche.
We all would be FAR more likely to follow advice whenit is both compassionate and SPECIFIC.
On many things in my life (even when I was 18 or 20 making long-term school/ career decisions), I think I would have listened if someone sat down with me and said, "Okay, here is the real scoop. I can understand why you would want to do X because ___. However, these are the specific consequences that you may not have imagined and here are some different options and a couple suggestions for how to execute them.
You know when people say, savor it all because they grow up so fast?
Last week I found out I was pregnant, this week my toddler is going to be three in Apri.
Honestly, it feels it went by that fast.
You are so right on with this post... I feel like its straight from my own head!!! I don't think it matters how much advice we were given, its all stuff we have to come to AFTER the fact. I spent my son's first year saying "I can't wait till he _______" (fill in the blank with holds up his head, crawls, walks, talks). Only recently have I realized that I stopped doing that and actually started to wish he would just slow down already... The time flies but in the moment it never feels that way... I kept a baby blog (for friends and family) and took pics and videos and wow, when I look back/read back/watch back, I am amazed at the baby and the littler boy he has become...
I wish you and your family a happy and healthy 2009!!
That's all good advice and I understand that in certain contexts it may be easier said than done. Thanks for sharing your perspective.
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