Here Comes the Pride

Updates on Weddings in Small Towns:

Thanks to those who asked. I ended up having a good time at the high school reunion-type wedding. Most everyone said congratulations and asked the normal questions. ("When are you due?" "What food are you craving?") My parents were seated at our table and I think that kept the odd questions/comments away. A couple of straight women made remarks about how it would be easier to take care of an infant with another woman around instead of a husband. Other than that, it was almost shockingly normal. It made me think I should chill a little bit.

This weekend is another wedding, this time my little brother's. He's almost 8 years younger then me, and the first baby I ever felt kick in someone's womb. His wedding thankfully comes without all the "how will it be to be queer here?" drama that made me anxious about the other wedding. This one should just be a good time with the family.

My extended family has been treating our pregnancy like it is any of my other cousins. We have been given many cute pink baby outfits.* There was nothing at our family baby shower (other then the two of us girls up there) that would have set it a part from any other shower**. Lovely Partner and I have always felt a little out of the mainstream (even beyond the lesbian thing), but now we are wondering if our families don't see us that way at all. It is not a complaint, really. We are beyond lucky, and grateful. It is just odd to suddenly feel as if we were doing something very traditional. That isn't us. Is it?

I am actually really happy and proud that the baby will be raised with values influenced by (among other things) the Lgbt community. I say "hell yeah!" to a culture that encourage self-expression, celebration, gender fluidity, and resilience in the face of heterosexism. As author Abigail Garner (the adult child of a gay man) points out: children of LGBT folk are part of the gay community, not "allies" of it. I suspect it will be an ongoing balancing act for us and kid--juggling the need to be seen as a family like everyone else but at the same time not quite like everyone else.
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*I know that some gay parents, like Dan Savage, have noted that people give them extremely gendered presents for their children. The thinking is that perhaps the gift-givers are worried that the LGBT parents won't do a good enough job teaching gender. I really don't think that is what was going on so much as people feeling compelled to buy heavily gendered items for infants-- for all kinds of parents. And that many people love girly baby clothes. I like them too, but after seeing all the outfits I admit to wanting to buy the baby some cargo pants and a black tank top!

**Amended to note that my sister made a CD Mix for all the guests with subtle gay family art on the cover! Thanks Sis!