According to the doctor, I am fine and the baby is fine. But that didn't stop me from having my 19 week freak out yesterday. I felt some unsual pain that was different then the other pains I experienced. (truthfully, the pain wasn't too bad). I was worried because I lost 2 pounds and still haven't felt the baby move. So I decided to go to the ER for a few hours. I was beside myself with anxiety. Unlike my last visit to this ER, this visit went well. My 20 week ultrasound is next week but I got a sneak preview. The baby was moving, limbs flailing about. The doctor seemed pleased. They did some tests and couldn't find anything wrong. I felt sort of dumb for going in.
On the other hand, I was so relieved to have validation that the baby was alive. I don't know if its typical of pregnancy, typical of pregnancy after loss, or my own issues with anxiety, but I have been really terrified the past few weeks. I can't feel the baby move, I can't see it...I can't believe it. I'm not excited about ultrasounds, I'm terrified of the bad news they might bring. (It concerns me a bit that I am such an anxious Mom already)
I've got to figure out a way to cope better.
Thankfully, I did feel a lot better when I saw the baby moving, the heart beating.
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2 comments:
Sarah - I'm SO SORRY you freaked out and were worried. I'm so glad you got yourself to the hospital and got reassurance. And so glad that all is well!
Glad all is well in there. We should come with little windows in our stomachs so we can check up on this stuff at home, without having to wait in ER and get freaked.
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