Learning from My Mom

On Mother's Day, I told my Mom she was a great model for being a mother.

Here is some things I learned from her that I would like to incorporate into mothering:

1) An emphasis on creativity and fun. My mom would make up stories to amuse or comfort us, and encourage us to write our own stories as well. She left me silly notes in my lunch bag when I was a kid. She would make up ryhmes to go with our Christmas and birthday presents. Once, for valentines day she hid hearts all over our house and we had to follow clues to go from one heart to the next. On the last heart, it was one of those cheap candy hearts that said "I will" on top of a pizza coupon. That meant we were having pizza for dinner that night--our favorite! She made a lot of routine things a game for us.

2) Encouraging a love of reading. My mom read to all of us kids from the time we were born. Me and sibs are still avid readers. I think it helped us all academically. When I was young, books were my refuge from the world I found scary. More importantly, books showed me worlds and ideas that I would never have come across in my suburban upbringing. When we got the scholastic book order, my Mom had a policy that I could pick out one book from the order form and she would pick out one for me. I loved picking out my book! But the ones she picked usually ended up being better.

3) Developing a social conscience. My mom is a Christian in the social-justice-help-the-poor- mode. When I was little we always learned about the importance of caring for others and being politically active. My Mom's heros were Gandhi and the leaders of the civil rights movement. We always had "Peace" calenders with important social activists on each page. She is a political person motivated by principles and ideals. As I got older, she applied her social activism principles to her understanding of LBGT issues. It took a little while to get there, but she pulled through.

4) Nurturing Curiosity. I admit that I didn't get that my Mom was teaching us stuff with all the outings and activities we did. I thought she planned trips to the museum, fruit picking, trying new recipes and memory games with us because she thought it was a total blast. Now I see that she was trying to teach us about our world. I feel lucky that my mom was an elementary school teacher.

5) Celebrating family. My Mom is a family first kind of person so we grew up with tons of family activities and saw our extended family on a weekly basis, if not more. I think feeling a part of this large network is what preserved my sanity in the rougher years. When we were really little, we had "Family Night" when each of us kids had a part to play--one of us picked the activity, the other picked the snack, and the other picked the prayer, etc. Even though I am not religious in the same way, I love the idea of families being a strong connected unit that enjoys their time together. We don't have Family Night anymore, but we still have a lot of fun when we are together.

6) Cultivating empathy. My Mom always said things like "How you would you feel in that person's position?" She talked about how words could really hurt people. I remember one time when I was young she saw me teasing a neighbor kid and she said it made her so sad for the little boy. Her first reaction was not even anger at me for being a jerk, but empathy for how bad the other kid felt. That really stuck with me.

One of the things that I learned I was doing wrong in my adult life was idealizing people and situations. I've tried to get more realistic about life and have a more mature outlook. I want this for myself, but also to be a better mother. So I'm writing this list knowing that there was positive and negative elements of my upbringing.
Even considering all that, I have to say, I feel really lucky to have the Mom I do.