Believe me when I tell you that if I was more tech savvy or had more time I would've somehow made the theme from Jaws play when you read this post.
My lil Sunshine is 5 weeks old and doing very well. We've been doing a lot of learning, she and I.
Nursing has been the hardest thing for us to master. I am baffled as to why something that seems perfectly designed by nature has been so tricky for the two of us.
The rough patch started on day one, when the nurse threatened to take my baby to NICU if I didn't feed her formula or if some blood sugar number didn't go from 48 to "above 50." So already I was scared something was wrong with me, my milk, the baby. I quickly realized that I couldn't do many of the nursing positions people recommended because for several days I could not sit up or re-position my body due to the tailbone injury I sustained in labor. (I am looking forward to telling sunshine one day how I busted my ass birthing her) I kept nursing and it hurt. Every nursing guide in the world will tell you that if breastfeeding hurts, you are doing it wrong. Too which I wanted to yell "No freakin kidding!" I could not get it right. My nipples were raw and my heart hurt too from seeing my little baby at my breasts, wailing in frustration.
One breast got engorged and it really hurt. Sunshine couldn't latch on that side at all. The lactation consultant told me to put cabbage on it if that happened so I did. So I walked around for a couple of days with cabbage on my breast. My sister asked if I left like biblical Eve, but I told her I felt like goblaki. (My mother is Polish and prefers we use this term instead of "stuffed cabbage). I also had the fun of having other people push on my breast so that we could leak milk into a bottle. Luckily my body modesty was destroyed giving birth to Sunshine. If we pushed for an hour or so, we could get an ounce of milk to feed to her. When Lovely Partner accidentally kicked over some of the expressed breast milk, I cried. All that effort, dribbling on the floor. We tried to use the mechanical breast pump, but it came with its own set of problems and haunted me with a strange rhythmic noise that I swear sounded like "John McCain Sarah Palin John McCain Sarah Palin."
The worst part was the look on Sunshine's face as she was placed on me to be nursed. Her face would be beet red. Her mouth would be open as if screaming. Her little head would sort of bang against me and I imagined her thinking "Stop this now!" or "I hate you!" When we couldn't get any milk and I was scared I was starving her, we tried a bit of formula--in a bottle. That didn't help. (I later read that women thinking they are starving their babies is a main reason they quit breastfeeding). Sunshine still had trouble latching and then I did my Internet research and saw how a bottle can cause "nipple confusion." I felt like a complete idiot for not researching breastfeeding before, you know, having a baby. In extremely bad planning, I was collecting articles on making creative meals for toddlers instead. Finally I found some articles on curing nipple confusion. I bought special ice packs for breasts with holes where the nipples are. I realized my teeth were hurting from gritting them when she latched on. While she napped I dreaded the next time she would need to eat.
But, everyone kept telling me that it usually gets easier to nurse, so I kept trying. It did get easier, little by little. I put away the cabbage and started using my special boob ice packs less and less. My sunshine is a smart cookie and she started figuring out some things about nursing. I must've learned something too, though I don't remember how or when. The coolest part (besides knowing that I am successfully feeding my baby) is when we do get it right. Sometimes, she even grabs my finger with her little hand and grips it tight when she is nursing. Even though I know I am projecting, I like to tell myself this is her way of encouraging me and saying "Come on Mom, we can do this!"
I think that I like to reflect on the whole experience of learning to breastfeed because it helps me remember that there is a learning curve to a lot of this mothering stuff. Even if it doesn't come natural to me, I can still try to improve.
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5 comments:
It really is hard isn't it!
My boy is nearly a week old and some of this sounded so familiar.
I'm hoping that in a month's time, I'll be able to be as philosophical about it as you are, and can be proud of our learning curve.
Thanks for providing proof that my experience isn't only mine, and also for showing that there's light at the end of the tunnel.
who knew that cabbage had so many uses! glad that you and sunshine are figuring it all out... sounds REALLY challenging. reading about nursing with the jaws theme in my head was rather daunting and i am not even pregnant yet! spent a little time with lizzie while she was in NYC and i hear that sunshine is quite a delight! congrats on surviving both the busting of your ass and the being milked like a cow by whomever was helping you to get the precious drops into the bottle!
It's hard. It's really really really hard. TTG is 13wks now and breastfeeding is now as good as it's going to get, and that's ok. I have plenty of milk, I'm not in pain, he's gaining weight and looks healthy, does plenty of wees and poos. We are NOT textbook correct though, and my latest LC (#4) said that doesn't matter.
You can do this!
Oh no! I'm so sorry you've been having it so rough. You are hero(ine) for keeping going and I think it is beautiful that the two of you are learning this together. Big hugs and hope to see you soon.
your post had me crying and laughing... thank you so much for sharing all of your stories, I am bookmarking this for the day that I am pregnant and freaking out.
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