It seems like a lot of people say that the nine months fly by when you are pregnant. At almost 10 weeks, I am finding this to not be the case. Its going so slooooooow. If at nine months I write that the time flew by, I will be sure to title that post "I was wrong"
I'm getting used to feeling pregnant but it doesn't seem connected to having a baby yet. I'm not sure if I can think of the baby with a name, as much as I wanted to try Huckleberry. Maybe after the 11 week ultrasound?
I've been tired and queasy but it hasn't been too awful. My Mom came to visit for the weekend and we told her the news, thinking we wouldn't be able to hide it all weekend. We went out to dinner to celebrate and as we left the restaurant I threw up. On the street. In front of a restaurant. In public. So gross. So, anyway, good thing we told her!
To break the news, Lovely Partner made a card with the bible verse from Genesis where Sarah finds out she is pregnant. (Genesis 21:6) Biblical Sarah says "God has given me cause to laugh" LP and I are non- religious Unitarians, but my Mom is Catholic so we thought she would appreciate it.
It was a very good night, even with the public throwing up.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Huckleberry's Heartbeat
I saw it today. It was a shock. I didn't think they would be able to do that. We weren't even supposed to get an ultrasound but Dr. PositiveandCool said we could. I think because we talked to Nurse ASL (she signed to me, awesome!) about the miscarriage.
While being wanded, I looked away from the screen and watched Lovely Partners face. She nodded affirmatively but I thought "What the heck does she know about reading an ultrasound?" Then I heard Dr. PositiveandCool say "Yep, there is the heartbeat." And I looked, and I saw it. A living thing with a heartbeat, inside of me. It measured 6W5D and I'm exactly 7W. I felt scared for a second when I saw that but Dr. PositiveandCool said that it was totally fine. And the heartbeat kept flickering.
All I could think all afternoon was "Its alive!" Because even though this has felt different then when I miscarried, I still didn't have a positive association with ultrasounds when I went in today.
I am also so grateful to Dr. PandC and Nurse ASL for being incredibly wonderful and supportive of LP and our relationship. They went out of their way to let us know and it felt great.
It has felt real to be pregnant, because physically I feel odd. But it hasn't felt real that a baby is the result. So I'm trying to let that sink in. So we are going to start calling him/her Huckleberry. Since my appointment this afternoon, I am working on feeling okay and not bashful about giving it a nickname.
And I must say, I was really proud of Huck today!
While being wanded, I looked away from the screen and watched Lovely Partners face. She nodded affirmatively but I thought "What the heck does she know about reading an ultrasound?" Then I heard Dr. PositiveandCool say "Yep, there is the heartbeat." And I looked, and I saw it. A living thing with a heartbeat, inside of me. It measured 6W5D and I'm exactly 7W. I felt scared for a second when I saw that but Dr. PositiveandCool said that it was totally fine. And the heartbeat kept flickering.
All I could think all afternoon was "Its alive!" Because even though this has felt different then when I miscarried, I still didn't have a positive association with ultrasounds when I went in today.
I am also so grateful to Dr. PandC and Nurse ASL for being incredibly wonderful and supportive of LP and our relationship. They went out of their way to let us know and it felt great.
It has felt real to be pregnant, because physically I feel odd. But it hasn't felt real that a baby is the result. So I'm trying to let that sink in. So we are going to start calling him/her Huckleberry. Since my appointment this afternoon, I am working on feeling okay and not bashful about giving it a nickname.
And I must say, I was really proud of Huck today!
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Vomit (and there was much rejoicing)
Well, I'm feeling sick. I threw up, which is gross but not nearly as gross as the excessive saliva I am experiencing. Its been an on and off again kind of sick, which I am hoping is normal and okay. I actually threw up two days ago and haven't since, although yesterday was the sickest I have felt. I was at my desk, baffled that pregnant women go to work every day. And then today was better, but not great. I'm trying not to worry since I feel...something. Last time, I felt pregnant for about two days and normal thereafter. So this feeling worse is much better for me. The first doctor appointment is Thursday (7 weeks). I have no idea what a seven week appointment would be like.
I hope its good news!
I hope its good news!
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Like I Had Popcorn and Coffee on an empty stomach
This is how I have felt the last few days. Is that an early pregnancy symptom? I will have to google.
Everything that is going on seems very disconnected from an actual baby. When I was in the two week wait I would try to visualize the baby and think about it. Now, I find myself doing that less. Is it because I am scared?
Last time, the baby only made it to 5.5 Weeks. In two days, I will be at 6 weeks. I have to feel a little more optimistic because I am not feeling too good.
I think it would be reassuring to feel worse tomorrow, as well.
Everything that is going on seems very disconnected from an actual baby. When I was in the two week wait I would try to visualize the baby and think about it. Now, I find myself doing that less. Is it because I am scared?
Last time, the baby only made it to 5.5 Weeks. In two days, I will be at 6 weeks. I have to feel a little more optimistic because I am not feeling too good.
I think it would be reassuring to feel worse tomorrow, as well.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
On the Double
After a stressful stare-at-the-clock couple of days, I finally have my betas:
19 DPO: 620
21 DPO: 1402
Doubling Time 1.71
Progesterone was 20 on 19 DPO and "Very strong, above 20" at 21 DPO. I was so focused on the beta I forgot to ask the nurse on the actual progesterone number.
These numbers seem okay. I read a lot of blogs with real rock star awesome numbers, and these numbers seem more......sedate or something. But it is in the betabase.info range. I am relieved.
Just for comparison, the time I miscarried it was 20 at 13 DPO. So if it had doubled that time, I would've been at 160 on 19 DPO. So 620 seems a lot better in comparison.
The staff at the fertility center said the numbers were good. They tried to sell me some more medical services--routine blood test and u/s. But for now, we are going to enjoy it and wait for the insuranced-covered u/s, which will be at 7 weeks.
It is nice not to have any appointments for a while!
19 DPO: 620
21 DPO: 1402
Doubling Time 1.71
Progesterone was 20 on 19 DPO and "Very strong, above 20" at 21 DPO. I was so focused on the beta I forgot to ask the nurse on the actual progesterone number.
These numbers seem okay. I read a lot of blogs with real rock star awesome numbers, and these numbers seem more......sedate or something. But it is in the betabase.info range. I am relieved.
Just for comparison, the time I miscarried it was 20 at 13 DPO. So if it had doubled that time, I would've been at 160 on 19 DPO. So 620 seems a lot better in comparison.
The staff at the fertility center said the numbers were good. They tried to sell me some more medical services--routine blood test and u/s. But for now, we are going to enjoy it and wait for the insuranced-covered u/s, which will be at 7 weeks.
It is nice not to have any appointments for a while!
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
All about Me Me
I'm pretty new to blogging, so I just got my first meme from Vee over at http://veeandjay.wordpress.com/. She thoughtfully tagged me so I would have a distraction from worrying about my hcg scores. So here goes:
The Rules:1) Link to the person that tagged you. 2) Post the rules on your blog. 3) Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself. 4) Tag at least three people at the end of your post and link to their blogs. 5) Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog. 6) Let the fun begin!
1. Since I was a small child, I always wanted to have a son named Huckleberry. It was not inspired by the Strawberry Shortcake dude. This name has been ruled out by Lovely Partner (I understand her reservation)
She said I could use it as a blog name for the baby, however. I may do that!
2. I'm very picky about pens. Ink only, please. And ballpoint doesn't count. It has to be real, dark, bleedy ink. Black, although blue will suffice in a pinch. When I say picky, I mean I will leave my job to go to the store to buy new pens or I feel like I can't get work done. I take pens when I go to the bank so I don't have to use their ballpoint on a chain. Don't even get me started on pencils.
3. I have taken hot baths pretty much every night since I was a kid. Except sometimes in the depth of summer, when TTC, and now that I am pregnant. More than missing alcohol or sushi or soft cheese I will miss my hot baths!
4. I'm crazy about musicals. Especially the modern ones like Hedwig and the Angry Inch. When I watch a musical, I have a goofy smile on my face, they make me so happy. You'd be shocked to know how often I sing tunes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer musical episode.
5. I'm lazy about change. Coin change that is, pennies, nickles, dimes, and quarters. I drive everyone who has ever lived with me insane by letting coins fall to the floor and stay there. And, um, my car floor might have fifty dollars worth of coins on the floor.
6. I love advice columns. I remember reading Ann Landers when I was in second grade. Now, my taste has matured to Carolyn Hax and Dan Savage. I have a special place in my heart for Miss Manners too.
So now I tag:
http://aspiringbaker.blogspot.com/ , who writes one of of my favorite blogs, always insightful and thoughtful.
http://hereticalhedonism.wordpress.com/ , who is also newly pregnant.
Renee at http://2mommiesttcforababy.blogspot.com/, who was the first to congratulate me on the pregnacy online.
The Rules:1) Link to the person that tagged you. 2) Post the rules on your blog. 3) Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself. 4) Tag at least three people at the end of your post and link to their blogs. 5) Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog. 6) Let the fun begin!
1. Since I was a small child, I always wanted to have a son named Huckleberry. It was not inspired by the Strawberry Shortcake dude. This name has been ruled out by Lovely Partner (I understand her reservation)
She said I could use it as a blog name for the baby, however. I may do that!
2. I'm very picky about pens. Ink only, please. And ballpoint doesn't count. It has to be real, dark, bleedy ink. Black, although blue will suffice in a pinch. When I say picky, I mean I will leave my job to go to the store to buy new pens or I feel like I can't get work done. I take pens when I go to the bank so I don't have to use their ballpoint on a chain. Don't even get me started on pencils.
3. I have taken hot baths pretty much every night since I was a kid. Except sometimes in the depth of summer, when TTC, and now that I am pregnant. More than missing alcohol or sushi or soft cheese I will miss my hot baths!
4. I'm crazy about musicals. Especially the modern ones like Hedwig and the Angry Inch. When I watch a musical, I have a goofy smile on my face, they make me so happy. You'd be shocked to know how often I sing tunes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer musical episode.
5. I'm lazy about change. Coin change that is, pennies, nickles, dimes, and quarters. I drive everyone who has ever lived with me insane by letting coins fall to the floor and stay there. And, um, my car floor might have fifty dollars worth of coins on the floor.
6. I love advice columns. I remember reading Ann Landers when I was in second grade. Now, my taste has matured to Carolyn Hax and Dan Savage. I have a special place in my heart for Miss Manners too.
So now I tag:
http://aspiringbaker.blogspot.com/ , who writes one of of my favorite blogs, always insightful and thoughtful.
http://hereticalhedonism.wordpress.com/ , who is also newly pregnant.
Renee at http://2mommiesttcforababy.blogspot.com/, who was the first to congratulate me on the pregnacy online.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Two Lines: And the Freaking Out Commences
I'm pregnant. That sums up the major news. I am so grateful and yet so scared. I didn't think the miscarriage had haunted me so much. I felt sick for a few days, but now I feel pretty normal, other then sore breasts. It freaks me out. I'm scared of getting attached to this baby and then losing it. Is it normal to feel sick and very pregnant for a few days and then feel better?
We didn't get a beta test because we didn't want to be anxious about the numbers. That decision was easier when I was feeling pregnant. Now we are thinking we will do that this week.
On the other hand we had a wonderful day of cancelling appointments with doctors and talking about decorating the baby room. My favorite part was telling my sister (a major baseball nerd) that the baby would here for the World Series.
I hope I don't sound ungrateful when express my anxiety. I think that miscarriage did more to me and Lovely Partner emotionally then I ever understood.
I'm pregnant and I can't believe I am writing that.
Happy Scared Anxiously Gratefully yours, Sarah
We didn't get a beta test because we didn't want to be anxious about the numbers. That decision was easier when I was feeling pregnant. Now we are thinking we will do that this week.
On the other hand we had a wonderful day of cancelling appointments with doctors and talking about decorating the baby room. My favorite part was telling my sister (a major baseball nerd) that the baby would here for the World Series.
I hope I don't sound ungrateful when express my anxiety. I think that miscarriage did more to me and Lovely Partner emotionally then I ever understood.
I'm pregnant and I can't believe I am writing that.
Happy Scared Anxiously Gratefully yours, Sarah
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